Snape Dies
by Werd
Summary: It doesn't need a summary.


Snape Dies  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
One day, Snape was being a total cretin to his class, as was the norm.  
  
Finally, Hermione couldn't take it anymore. "I can't believe you manage to hold down a job! You are totally unproffesional! You behave terribly!" she cried.  
  
Snape started laughing, coldly. "1 billion points from Griffindor, and detention for the rest of the year. And might I add, you're ugly." said Snape.  
  
"Hey, you *&%#, don't you talk that way to Hermione!" said Ron.  
  
"Oh, the penniless idiot is speaking. 7,000 more points from Griffindor for making me hear your voice, and 10,800 points for insulting me." Snape sneered.  
  
"That guy..." growled Harry to Ron and Hermione.  
  
"I heard that, Potter, you little *&%$. I'm taking an additional 2,000 points from Griffindor, and detention for you and your loathsome friend Weasley." said Snape.  
  
"Hey, you don't even know who I was talking about! Maybe I was talking about Malfoy!" said Harry.  
  
"93,000 more points for lying!" said Snape.  
  
"Malfoy's been lying all day but you never take points from Slytherine!" exclaimed Hermione.  
  
"How many more points do I have to take from you idiots?! This is getting boring! 55,000 more points, now SHUT UP HERMIONE, YOU WORTHLESS, FOOLISH..." Snape said, but before he could continue, Gilderoy Lockhart burst into the room.  
  
"Severus! Severus! You must come quickly! It's Father!" Gilderoy exclaimed.  
  
"Lockhart!! NOOOOO!!!" screamed Snape.  
  
"Father is ill!" said Lockhart.  
  
"Lockhart! What are you doing here?!" said Harry.  
  
"I regained my memory, I remember everything! But don't worry, I'm just here to talk to my brother, Severus." said Lockhart.  
  
"No!! How can you come here and tell everyone we're related?!" Snape cried, putting his hands over his face.  
  
"Severus, our father needs us by his side!" said Lockhart.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!" screamed Snape.  
  
"Harry, you should come with us!" said Lockhart.  
  
"What for?!" said Harry.  
  
"Because, you see, it's your living grandfather whom you've never met! Something Snape apparently never told you is that he's your uncle!" said Lockhart.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY!!" said Snape.  
  
"Snape and me are related?!" said Harry, and he leaned over his desk and started puking.  
  
"I'll kill you, Lockhart!" said Snape. "Why don't you ever call me Gildelocks like you did when we were kids? Oh, class, how Professor Snape loved that book, Goldylocks, it was his favorite storyeeeeee!!" said Lockhart, as Snape started chasing him around the classroom.   
  
"I can't believe you won't come to see him! Is this because you never managed to impress him as much as James?" said Lockhart, jumping over Malfoy's head and scrambling across desks.  
  
"I hate you both! You can't be here!" said Snape.  
  
"Oh, if that's how you're going to be maybe I'll just tell the class a few things about you, like your Precious Moments figurine collection, I know you still have it, or how you used to cry as a kid because your hair was stringy and greasy and never looked as good as mine! Or maybe how you tried to be a pop singer but failed miserably! Or how you never had a date! Or that your favorite music artist is Amy Grant!" said Lockhart.   
  
Snape had stopped chasing Lockhart and was grimacing, his face red. He looked like someone was plucking hair from some place hair shouldn't be plucked (which is really anywhere, but...). "Maybe I'll tell them about your love affair with Mrs. Weasly, and how she dumped your ass for her current husband." said Lockhart. "WHAT?!" said Ron. "Maybe I'll tell them about your worship of Carrot Top!" said Lockhart, his hands on his hips. "STTOOOPP IIIITTT!!" screamed Snape. Snape threw himself onto his desk and started writhing around. "Stop it, Lockhart! Get out! Get out!" said Snape.  
  
"Fine! You never were a cooperative person, Severus! Harry, would you like to meet your grandfather?" asked Lockhart.  
  
"I think it's more fun to stay and watch Snape flip out, but yes, sure." said Harry, getting up.  
  
Snape jumped up off the table and threw himself out the window. "I quit!! I quit!! AAAAAaaaaahhhh!!!" Snape said. He didn't see Hagrid walking up right infront of him, holding a creature that looked like a cross between Alien and a demon. The creature jumped out of Hagrids hands and ran at Snape, knocking him over. The creature landed on top of Snape. The creature put an end to Snape.  
  
The end. 


End file.
